


Bruce Banner- Mistake

by Skellyagogo



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst and Feels, Angst and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Depression, Drunk Sex, F/M, Female reader insert, Heavy Angst, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:55:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22440682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skellyagogo/pseuds/Skellyagogo
Summary: What happens when your rock, your savior, the person that’d kept you sane, tells you the results of a night out were nothing more than a mistake?
Kudos: 8





	Bruce Banner- Mistake

  


*****************************************************************

“Fine, if you insist on staying awake all night then I activate my right as your friend to annoy the hell out of you until you give in and get some sleep. Only fair considering how many times you’ve done it to me.” Narrowing my eyes trying to keep a straight face while watching his unimpressed eye roll as I walked straight through the lab doors towards his workstation.

Bruce knew he was in for trouble, his eyes darted past me to Tony looking for help, but Tony was glued to a tablet checking calculations for the 10th time since I’d walked in shaking head. Watching Tony’s shoulders shake as he silently laughed at Bruce made me smirk. Neither of them dealt well with being told what to do, especially by me. They thought they were above the law of my common sense and logic.

I was wired, still too hyped up from an adrenaline rush from my mission with Nat and Clint. I had no clue what time it was, only that the stars were still brightly shining through the windows. Steve mumbled in passing coming back with Sam and Bucky from the bar that neither Tony nor Bruce had slept in days and hoped I’d be able to annoy them out of the labs and into bed or at least get them to consume something other than freeze-dried berries and copious amounts of coffee.

“Y/n, don’t get me wrong, kitten. I love it when you come in and shoot the shit while we’re working but shut up will ya. We’re close to a breakthrough and you are only providing me with a major distraction with that sexy bedhead look you got going on.” Tony sighed from across the room half-smirking and tossing a wink my way as I seated myself crossed-legged upon Bruce’s table.

“Mhm, okay Tony.” I gave him the finger behind his back and turned my attention towards Bruce. His hair was disheveled, shirt partially unbuttoned at the top, the bottom untucked and uneven. The five o'clock shadow that had started to grow days ago coming in quite nicely. He was tired, but his stubbornness to stop was admirable.

“Y/n, you should get some sleep, you’ve been away for a week. I promise I’ll get some myself soon.” He skirted looking in my eyes knowing his promise would most likely end up a lie because of the pull to work.

I ran my fingers through his hair attempting to calm the chaos in those curls, an action that made his eyes close. He let out a deep sigh trying to hide the tiny smile edging his mouth. Tony watched the scene before him shaking his head internally laughing, two idiots who’d never admit it.

“Did you know that the handshake originated to check for concealed weapons? The handclasp proved you weren’t holding onto anything and the shaking motion was to dislodged any weapons hidden up the sleeve.” Tony scoffed a little laugh from behind, Bruce only offered a little pursed lipped smile.

Random facts about weird things were my go-to annoyance tactic, especially with Tony. Initially, it started as a way to get Clint to shut up years ago, but it failed miserably and we ended up trying to top the other with odd knowledge. The others found it amusing in the beginning, then it was like a form of interrogation torture. Budapest proved it to be a small form of cruel and unusual punishment for our target at the time. Clint and I had fun though Nat did appear in a murdery kind of mood after that mission.

“You don’t say,” Bruce muttered moving his chair back to the table bouncing between looking in his microscope and logging data on his computer. I smirked while he worked catching him sneaking a glance every once in a while that led to a tint of red in his cheeks.

“It only takes 4 seconds of silence for a situation to become officially awkward. Did you know that?” I muttered stretching out my back. The cracks and crunches of my vertebrae made Tony shutter. He found it unnerving that the body of someone much younger than him sounded so old.

“Only 4 seconds, with you I would have assumed .01 seconds.” Tony snarked back smiling. Bruce’s mouth twitched trying not to grin while he was looking into the microscope again.

I’d ditched my gear and showered before heading to the labs clad in grey sweats and a t-shirt Nat had gifted me that said, ‘Of course I don’t understand you! I don’t speak Asshole’. I went barefoot knowing how much it’d piss off Tony. I adjusted myself on Bruce’s table pulling my knees up to my chest, toes leaned over the edge of the table. Wanda had painted them before I’d left, all fuschia except for my big toe and pinkie, those where green, Hulk green in fact. Bruce was rolling his chair back to the computer when he stopped. He arched an eye curiously seeing my toes.

“Why… why are your big toe and pinkie toe painted a different color?” A cute little furrow between his eyes made the lines in his forehead pop out noticing the shade of green.

“Isn’t it obvious?” I chuckled wrapping my arms around my knees.

“Nope, can’t say that it is,” he replied leaning back in his chair relaxing for probably the first time in days. I could see how stiff his entire body was from leaning over for long periods of time.

“Those are the only two spots on my entire body that when hit turn me into the Hulk.” I laughed watching the words compute in his overtired brain. “I fuck shit up faster than Tony when I hit those bad boys.” Tony groaned at the bad joke, but Bruce lost himself in tired laughter shaking his head.

Bruce could never understand how much his friendly banter or that shy smile saved me from my misery for the last two years. Since the incident and my release from confinement, he was there, even if he was quiet and working. Just his presence alone brought me back from the depths of the inner hell I put myself in. Those that did know what happened to me, kept what happened to themselves. It was redacted from my records and stricken from all records period. Even Furt acted as if it had never happened.

Between everything that happened with me, the battles, moving from the Tower to the Compound, Bruce was my constant. He was the thing that ground me when all hell was breaking loose. A fiery light burning bright in the darkest of stormy nights. Even as Hulk, he had no idea the sway he had over me. The way that shy side smile would light up my night.

******

**Bruce POV:**

Tony’s music buzzing the background nothing more than white noise, but even then it seemed silent. It took me a while to figure out why Y/n was fast asleep curled in a ball atop the other end of my worktable. The empty mug from the tea Tony had given her still clutched in her hands against her chest.

“About time that shit kicked in,” Tony snickered prying the cup from her hands.

“What the hell Tony?” I sprang out of my chair racing to her side prying her eyes open checking her pupils and taking her pulse.

“Relax, I just slipped some melatonin in her tea so she’d be quiet.” He had the audacity to roll his eyes and go back to work.

“You can’t just fucking drug Y/n like that!” The anger bubbling up inside. Tony had done a lot of bullshit over the years but this one bothered me the most.

“It’s all-natural, it’s not gonna hurt her Bruce,” Tony spun around eyeing me through narrow slits. “What’s with you… ooh… I get it now.” He nodded his head grinning stifling a laugh.

“You get what exactly?” I growled turning back to Y/n brushing the hair out of her face. Watching a tiny flutter behind her eyelids, she sighed trying to get comfortable. I’d seen her fall asleep in a lot of weird places over the years when exhausted but this. There’s no way that was comfortable laying on top of books and binders.

“You and Jabber Jaws there… you keeping things on the down-low or something?” Tony stopped all work finding this whole situation he created more entertaining. “I mean it’s cool if you are, I won’t tell. What’s she like anyway?”

“What in the fuck are you talking about?” I had to hold myself back from rounding on him. Keeping back that urge to punch him right in his smug face.

“You and Y/n, I mean you guys are sleeping together aren’t you?” His causal bluntness was too much, even for him.

“What?! NO! Tony, we’re friends that’s it.” I knew I appeared annoyed and put off by his questioning, but if I was honest with myself I’d thought about it.

“Oh well then, you mind if I ask her…”

“You finish that sentence and I’ll let the Other Guy out to play Stretch Armstrong with your limbs, you hear me?” The seething calm that escaped my clenched jaw was enough for him to drop it altogether. “I’m going to take her up to her room and then I’m calling it a night.”

She was peaceful when she slept, a calmness took over her that I could only wish for. A sweet little smile washing over her mouth in waves at whatever she was dreaming about. I couldn’t stop staring at her as I carried her down the hall. Low mumbles of incoherent words, her head nestled into my shoulder. It was times like this the Other Guy had no issue lending me a little of his strength.

Y/n looked so ridiculous for an assassin lying in that bed of hers surrounded by so many pillows, mounds of blankets she’d burrow herself under. There was definitely a line drawn between work and home life with her. Splashes of color dotted her walls, tapestries, and posters from all over the world. Books scattered throughout the four corners of her room. If someone walked in they would have mistaken her room for a small library.

She was gorgeous and damn near everything I dreamed of, but she couldn’t mine. It didn’t mean I couldn’t want what I wouldn’t let myself have. I leaned over the edge of her bed pulling her blankets snug around as she liked. She’d let out a little serene groan as her eyes fluttered open. They fought so hard to stay ajar.

“Bruce,” that low raspy sleepy voice of hers hitting me straight in the heart. She didn’t even look around her she had that much faith and trust in me.

“Just tucking you in, you fell asleep in the lab again. Need something before I leave?” Why does she have study my face like that? There hasn’t been a time she hasn’t looked at me like I was a book to be read.

“Crawl in so I know you got some sleep,” she chuckled groggily rubbing her eyes.

“Y/n… I don’t… I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Morals and standards to uphold. She didn’t need Tony talking shit when someone caught me walking out in the morning.

“Your loss, my bed is a cloud, even the Other Guy would fall asleep.” She hummed dozing off to sleep again before jerking awake wide-eyed. “Can I go with you to Dublin for your lecture?” It caught me off guard, I was so sure the only person who’d paid attention to me needing time off was Fury and Tony.

“Um, if you want to. It’s just going to be me rambling on about Gamma radiation, nothing you haven’t heard before.”

“I know, but you shouldn’t be alone, besides… books.” The smile slowly widened as it spread across her mouth.

“Books?” I shook my head laughter down at those wide shiny eyes.

“The Long Room Library Bruce,” even tired she managed to be alluring with that dreamy half-awake smile.

“Oh right I see, you just want to use me to see the library at Trinity College.” My snorted laughter and eye roll only egged her on. She reached out grabbing my hand grinning up at me batting those lashes like a cartoon character. Damn it it was hard to resist touching those lips.

“Spending some alone time with you is a bonus,” the noise of her jaw cracking yawn filled the awkward silence in her room on my part. “I can’t remember the last time you and I hung out alone that wasn’t in the lab.”

*********

Bruce POV:

It was all racing past in a blur. The lecture, finding her wandering in the library drooling over the books, the rest of the day spent in museums and the tour of Dublin Castle. The walk through the Jameson Distillery and the promise of a case sent to the Compound just for her because of that damned smile the distillery manager couldn’t resist. It had an effect on everyone around her. The flirty glances we exchanged and the laughter. The subtle ways she kept finding to touch me. My head was swimming and stuffy logical thinking Bruce began to take a backseat.

Dinner at a pub a few blocks away from the hotel turned into drinks and darts. Music playing loudly in the background. Some ungodly version of My Favorite Mistake by Sheryl Crow. Voices merging in one massive collective, smoke billowing in the air. The bitter grainy taste from pint after pint of beer followed by the burning warmth of whiskey. Relaxed and calmed by her laugh only to find myself turned on a simple smile. The tipsy stumble we made through the streets towards the hotel. The glares and eye roll from the front desk as she giggled riding on my back, her legs latched around my waist. Her slender fingers messing up my hair on the walk to the elevator.

The jerking motion of the elevator and the assent had her falling backward landing on her ass in a hysterical fit of laughter. The smiles and hushed whispers walking down the hall not to disturb other guests on our floor. Our rooms side by side but she was still behind me, arms wrapped around my chest, leaning on me for support as I opened the door. She followed behind with each step I took. The curtains were thrown open letting the stars and the night sky in the room.

She leaned against the wall smirking as I struggled to pull off my jacket, promptly tossing it across the room frustrated with it. Shoes kicked to who knows where. I knew I stood blurry-eyed in the middle of the room, a hand on my tie. The spot she occupied before now empty leaving me confused turning in circles only to have to her stop me when her finger tapped on the tip of my nose. The tie in her hands, I watched it sink to the floor in awe, it was like a magic trick.

Her hands moving faster than I could track unbuttoning my shirt, dropping it to the floor. I could feel the pressure of her fingers trailing down my chest, humming in her throat when her lips made their own path up my neck and along my mouth. Warm, wet and tart like Guinness, her tongue collided with mine, curling in waves. A small dip in height change as she slipped out of her heels broke the kiss. I remember tearing her shirt, not just off of her but tearing it in pieces. The shredding, tearing sound left her smiling wanting me, her body pushing itself into mine.

'Fuck it’ I thought, what good is keeping it to myself. I threw all common sense out the window cupping her face wanting more. Her hands dipped between us fumbling with my belt, everything fell to the ground in a soft thump making me laugh in my drunken state. Y/n’s palm rubbing all over me, her thumb grazing the tip of my head, groaning into her mouth with that kiss, feeling the effect she had on me. Swiping my precum all over, her wrist stroking leaving me shuddering at her touch.

“Sit,” she bit her lip pushing me back on the bed. “You’re bigger than I thought.” Smirking again running her tongue over her lips.

Leaning back on my forearms watching that heavenly creature standing naked before me. A blushed smirk washed over her chest and neck. I glimpsed the sight of a tattoo along her hip bone, long hidden by clothing. A sobering sight indeed seeing the symbol for Gamma tattooed on her flesh. I reached out to touch it, swiping my thumb over the black ink. So many secrets and for what?

Erect nipples standing guard in the coldness in the room. She knelt between my thighs keeping eye contact. One hand palming my ballsack, the other in a tight hold at my base. I groaned watching her lick her lips, her tongue flick over that mushroom tipped head. She was a tease, and yet I’d never sobered up so quickly in my life as I did surveying her slide each inch of me in her mouth. Her eyes never left mine, only closing briefly letting out a moan as she bobbed her head in tandem with her hand.

“Fuck,” was all I could get out, my body sunk into the mattress blissed out in her mouth.

Curling and rolling her tongue sliding it up and down, vibrations purred through her mouth driving me insane. My brain turning to literal mush. Over and over she kept bringing me to that brink, so close and yet so far away. Raking her fingers up my thigh and over my chest. The world was spinning, the room twirling in circles. The humming of some song I knew but couldn’t put my finger on filled the air. She didn’t stop until I was throbbing in her mouth. The tightened squeeze of her mouth as she swallowed everything I had.

I opened my eyes feeling the weight shift on the bed, seeing her slinking beside me on her hands and knees. A troublesome grin shifting her smile to the side of her mouth. She didn’t see it coming, the attack on her collar bone that landed her flat on her back. Shifting myself between her legs, the sweet kisses trailing anywhere I could get. There was nothing subdued about her moans. Loud and needy is what they were. Her hands on my shoulders tugging me closer. Lips in a feverish sloppy dance. Her hands headed south rubbing my cock against her core getting a feel of her wetness.

“Are… you … sure?” The question whispered between kisses.

“I need you,” she pleaded.

Her hand was already guiding me inside needily. So tight and wet, sinking farther in only made her pulse around me. She lifted her hips moaning my name again and again. Keeping her eyes open was becoming difficult, they kept rolling backward and closed with every thrust. Her nails digging into my shoulder blades, her body writhing in sync with mine. She came crying my name in a glorious airy moan.

Inhibitions were thrown out, I let go. She wanted me and I needed her, every inch of her. Throwing her legs over my shoulder I pounded into her, let all that frustration out. Years of wanting her, loving her and never letting myself tell her. Christ, she felt magnificent, like she was meant just for me. Y/n was moaning, purring in pure ecstasy. The breathy way my name rolled off her tongue taunting me to give her more. My hands in a tight clasp on her hips thrusting roughly, feeling her clenching around me again. I lost it, my body shook, sluggish thrusts spilling inside her.

Pumping haphazardly long after we both found relief not wanting to leave the feel of her. Oversensitive and tingling to the point it almost tickled I pulled out flopping beside her gasping for air. Even if I had the ability to think clearly, I don’t even know what would have crossed my mind. She was bliss and rapture, sinful and sweet and for now, I just wanted to enjoy it while I had it. I remembered pulling her into me, her head on my chest, an arm draped over my stomach. My fingers gliding up and down her arm drifting off to sleep.

“I love you,” the words yawned out of my mouth, but it didn’t matter, she was asleep.

**********

The siren alarm shrieking on my phone jolted me awake, blinding bright sunlight glaring into the room. Rubbing my eyes scanning the room… a room that wasn’t mine. Sticky with sweat, my head pounding like a drumline on game day. Tossing the blanket aside in search of my phone only left me groaning in shame. I was naked, head and pussy throbbing, both thumping with the beat of my heart. Fuck, what in the hell did I do last night?

I stumbled around the room looking for my phone. My shoes and jeans in a pile on the floor, the remains of my shirt scattered all over the room. What in the hell? The alarm, the call to arms ringtone blaring like a banshee while I fumbled in the pocket of my jeans. A grumbling figure in the bed behind me. Bruce sat up looking worse for wear, shaking his head out of its sleepy haze. It all rushed back, every kiss and touch. Screaming his name, every heated thrust and groan. Falling asleep hearing him say 'I love you’. When he finally noticed me his eyes went as wide as saucers.

“That… was… a mistake,” Bruce blurted out as if he’d said vanilla is better than chocolate ice cream. How could he possibly think any of that was a mistake? Sure we were drunk, but a mistake?

“What the fuck do you want,” I growled raspy into the receiver trying to shimmy back into my jeans.

“Well good morning to you too Doll,” Bucky snickered on the other end. “You still at that hotel near the river, the tall one with the rooftop garden? Is Bruce with you?”

“We didn’t do anything…,” the words tumbled hastily out of my mouth. I blushed catching Bruce taking a peek. Catching the last look of your mistake there Bruce? “Why, what’s it matter where we are?”

“Easy there Tiger.” Commotion in the background, voices, and rambling I couldn’t make out in the cockpit of the Quinn. “We got a location on that Hydra facility we’ve been searching for, we’re en route now. Pick you both up on the rooftop in 30, and don’t worry I got your gear.”

“Right, extraction in 30 got it.” I hung up trying to busy myself collecting my things around the floor, avoiding his gaze altogether. I snatched up his button-up shirt from the day before slipping it on.

“Y/n,” he wrapped the sheet around himself trying to advance my way, but I only back away towards the door staring at the floor.

“I-it’s fine,” I shook my head, my lip was quivering and my eyes twitching. I couldn’t afford to look at him or I’d lose it. It was anything but a mistake to me, I thought it was a long time coming but I guess I read him wrong this whole time. My losing streak continues.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” His bare feet in my peripheral view, the hint of his cologne stuck in my nose. His fingers trailed up my arm, palm resting on my shoulder, but I only shook it off.

“Better get ready and on the roof,” and with that I left the room.

He didn’t say anything as he stood next to me, but I could feel the chaotic energy wafting around us. 'That was a mistake’ running through my mind, filling every inch of my psyche. I wasn’t a sap that found myself in doubt, but now, now it was a whole new game. What was the mistake? The part where I mumbled 'I’m in love with you’ as I drifted off to sleep, or the part where he said it too? Was it the mindblowing sex? What in the fucking hell was a mistake? So much guilt filled his face the second he realized I was in his room and naked.

I could smell the remorse dripping off of him standing next to me watching the bay doors of the Quinn open in front of us. He leaned over trying to take my suitcase to carry but I only snatched it away and walked up the ramp without a word. Every pair of eyes on that Quinn followed me and the visible rage seething underneath. They flickered back and forth between Bruce and me. He took a seat avoiding all eyes and tried to look busy playing with the display screen to hide his blushful shame.

“Rough night?” Bucky smiled handing me my gear and went wide-eyed when I started to strip changing right there. The marks left from the night before stood out prominent on my skin.

“You could say that,” I growled rolling my eyes seeing Bruce sit up straight hearing my words.

“Smells like sex in here,” Tony arched a brow smirking between Bruce and I. “You have a wild night?” He wiggled his brows with a smug grin.

“I got drunk at a pub and went home with some guy, but it was a mistake apparently, you happy now?” The snappy reply left Tony narrowing his eyes shifting his gaze again between Bruce and I.

“Uh-huh, right, well then,” Bucky stammered unsure what else to say to that. He turned around trying to block everyone else’s view of me in a gentlemanly way. Bruce’s rigged manner or the darting of his eyes towards me didn’t go unnoticed by him. “You sure it was a mistake Doll?” He watched Bruce’s head tilt our way listening.

“Pretty damned sure Buck, hard not to when he uttered the words himself the second he woke up.” Zipping my tack vest and leaning over tying my boots swearing under my breath for my own stupidity. “Guess I looked better to him drunk than in the morning.”

“Wow, okay well, the guys an idiot cuz you are just a damned peach, Doll.” He turned around tapping my nose with his finger smirking. “Your guns are in the rack, loaded and ready.” I stepped towards Bucky closing the small gap between us planting a quick kiss on his mouth leaving him a bit stunned, but not complaining.

“You sure do know the way to a girl’s heart Buck. Why are you still single?” I giggled heading towards the armory racks. A flash of green came into view only to disappear as quickly as it showed.

“Um probably because all the good ones like you aren’t available Doll.” He could see Bruce on the edge of losing control and letting out the Hulk. Bruce sat hunched over-focusing on his breathing.

“Who says I’m not available?” I smirked weapons ready and holstered, knives sheathed. The enemy wouldn’t stand a chance in the mood I was in. I knew I shouldn’t have been talking to Bucky like that, but I was hurt.

“Why don’t we save that conversation for another time huh? It’s getting a little cramped in here.” He appeared disappointed but curious. His head kept turning towards Bruce and back and me.

********

**Bucky’s POV:**

I don’t know what happened while they were in Dublin, but it was obvious something went down between the two of them. Y/n dove out of the Quinn before Nat could even land. Y/n rolled to the ground taking out anything in her path. Bruce wasn’t far behind her. He raced off the ramp instantly Hulking out. He never seemed to get too far from her either like he was trying to protect her. It was an odd sight, to say the least, we were all too used to him going in a tantrum like rage as the Hulk, but today was a whole new ballgame.

Y/n was a little more ruthless then I’d ever seen her. She was definitely working out some aggression, bodies falling all around her. Normally she’d leave them wounded for interrogation, but she wasn’t leaving anyone alive. I knew I wasn’t the only one to notice it, but not one of us was willing to bring it up. Not even when she started half-assed rage singing song lyrics.

“Cause I knew that I was never your type, never really your type,” the words seamlessly coming out of her mouth, kicking the leg of an operative out from under him, taking him down knocking him out cold.

She vaulted over a wall inside the base darting through an open area warehouse-sized assembly line of vehicles towards the control room. Guns out, bullets flying sinking into their targets. Even her walk was different, maybe it was more of a strut. Either way, something was going on with her.

“Overthinking’s got me drinking, messing with my head, whoa,” her voice carried an eerie melody about it.

“What the what?” Sam landed between Steve and me watching Y/n in the distance. “What’s with her today?”

“Tell me what you hate about me. Whatever it is, I’m sorry.” There was nothing on her face, no emotion, just an eerie blankness like she wasn’t really behind the wheel.

She turned in the direction of Bruce and shook her head like she was shaking a thought out. Those brilliant eyes showed full of contentment seeing Bruce in the distance, but it faded as quickly as it appeared. Her movements were like a machine, I felt a pang of guilt seeing myself in her eyes. Anytime she spouted these lyrics Hulk sounded as if he was growling in pain.

“I don’t know man, but it’s kinda freaking me out.” Sam nodded agreeing before taking off again.

“Is anyone gonna mention Y/n going a little… Winter Soldier on Hydra’s ass right now?” Barton’s voice called out in the comms. He was up in the rafters to clear a path for us but Y/n seemed to be doing that all on her own.

“Or the cryptic shit she’s been mumbling to herself?” Sam retorted huffing mid-fight.

“Obviously the guy from last night got to her.” Tony reached out his palm blasting a small group away from Nat. “Not like she’s had the best of luck in the romance department. She dated Rumlow after all.”

“WHAT?!” Steve bellowed so loud I could hear him without the comm-link.

“Oh yeah, shit, thought that was common knowledge.” Clint tried to help Tony recover from that slip of the tongue.

“Y/n… our little diabolical but sweet Y/n… and Rumlow? Scumbag Hydra Rumlow?! Tortured Bucky for years Brock Rumlow!? Y/n and Crossbones?!” I could hear the anger in Steve’s voice, kinda made me laugh.

“It was before we knew he was Hydra Cap.” Nat interrupted, a dagger whizzing past my head sinking into the asshole creeping up on me. “It didn’t end well let’s just put it at that.”

“He actually loved her and you know it. That incident before the Helicarrier fiasco ring a bell Nat? The video feed from… you know.” Clint chided out a growl.

“I wasn’t going to bring it up but okay since we’re going there. Whatever, it didn’t end well, story over.” Nat was beyond annoyed with Clint, but we’d all gotten distracted with the throng of soldiers piling into the room. Hulk furiously howling across the warehouse hearing the conversation in the comms.

“Heebie jeebies, I tell you.” I watched Tony shudder in his suit. “The sounds coming from her floor at the Tower, as if he could actually 'sneak’ in without detection under my watch.” The roar bellowed furiously followed by a truck being tossed through a wall.

Y/n was almost ambushed outside the control room, too many vehicles and machines masking the hidden forces. The yell rang out and echoed through the base. Vehicles and weaponry being smashed and tossed around clearing his pathway to her. Hulk bound in eliminating all that surrounded her. He stood panting, chest heaving watching her with a worried glance. I observed in shock as she winked up at him and he… the Hulk blushed shyly trying to hide it by turning his head away from her. She climbed up his body getting close to his face and kissed his cheek forcing him to look at her. I glanced at Steve to see the same perplexed expression on his face.

“At least you’d never say I was a mistake.” It looked like she closed her eyes before leaning her forehead against his. A quiet moment in the midst of battle.

Hulk held his massive hand on her back like he was trying to soothe her or comfort her. A barrage of operatives came funneling out of a hallway making him growl. He set her down behind him and roared their way. His anger only making him larger. I watched absolutely mystified as she slapped his ass and grinned almost proudly. His head slowly turned, glancing back at her smirking slyly.

“Go give 'em hell Big Guy.” She slipped into the control room and he rushed towards the troops.

It was chaos, rushing bodies, fists slamming into faces, targets hitting the floor. Bullets flying, knives and arrows whizzing through the air and as soon as it started it was over. We all scanned the area seeing it was clear. Bruce was already in the midst of changing back into Banner in front of the control room door.

No one saw Rumlow appear gun raised at Banner. It was as if he pulled himself out of thin air. Bruce didn’t notice Rumlow, he was bent over on his hands and knees dry heaving, Hulk always did a number on him. The click of the gun, the bullet entering the chamber. The sound of the shot firing echoing like a cannon in the expansive room. A shrill scream made us all stop and turn.

“NO!” Y/n stepped out of the control room and in front of Rumlow taking the bullet herself at close range. Blood spattered over the control room door, her body fell backward with a sickening crack as her head hit the cement floor. A crimson pool slowly seeping around her.

“Damn it, baby girl, you weren’t supposed to be here.” Rumlow threw off his mask and raced to her side. A hand on her face watching her choking on her own blood. He looked on in horror at Y/n convulsing on the floor and took off on foot. We all scattered running, some chasing after Rumlow, the others rushed to her side helping Bruce.

*********

**Bruce POV:**

Seventeen days, twelve hours and forty-seven minutes since the day I watched her fall in horror. Felt her blood soaking into my skin, seeping into the cracks and lodging itself in my nail beds. I held myself together with the best I could all while trying to save her life. It was too surreal, one second it was all in slow motion, her cries of pain and the hold of her free hand wrapped around my calf clutching on in agony. The next it was racing like a blur. Moving from the warehouse inside the base to the Quinn, racing at the speed of light to the nearest SHIELD facility for medical treatment.

Nat periodically dropped off clean clothes. Steve and Bucky brought food though I couldn’t stomach anything. She thought that night in Dublin was a mistake. I didn’t mean it when I said that, just that… being drunk wasn’t the way I would have chosen. There she was laying in front of me in a coma hooked up to machines, vitals signs weakly beeping away, eyes barely moving behind her lids, but all I could think of was what I said that morning. When she was stable I had her moved back to the med bay in the Compound, I hadn’t left her side since.

She didn’t like waking up in strange places, it unnerved her and I knew why after Clint relayed the story of Brock Rumlow. Hydra was getting ready to come out into the light, show the world they were still there and very much in charge. The Winter Soldier was supposed to take out anything in their way, but Steve, Nat, and Sam went after him. Tony was so focused on his own thing with Rhodey in tow. Thor away in Asgard, Clint off on recon so no one was there to even notice her absence. I wasn’t there because I ran, afraid I’d hurt one of them or worse her. Maybe if I’d been there… but no amount of wishing could change it now.

There’s no precise idea how long she’d been held 'captive’. She only remembered falling asleep in her bed and sickly sweet smell. When she came to she was in a strange bed chained to the wall being watched by Rumlow. It was sheer dumb luck that she was found at all. SHIELD had fallen, some agents that managed to escape Hydra found her in the basement of an off the grid safehouse. After Pierce had been taken out and Hydra prevented from launching the Helicarriers, Fury had her brought in in secret.

She’d been interrogated for hours questioning her loyalty because of her relationship with Brock Rumlow. Questions on what he did, said, what happened between them. Did she ever know or suspect that something was off with him. She barely spoke, refused to eat. There were severe tissue damage and mounds of scar tissue around her ankle because of the chain Rumlow used and what she did to try and escape. She showed all the typical signs of a captive, but Fury still had his doubts. When it all got down to the brass tax, she was still a spy after all. She should have known something was off, shouldn’t she? It’s said she muttered the same thing over and over as she spent the confinement in her cell.

“Hydra takes no prisoners, he was saving me. 'I love you, I have to save you’, he said. Hydra takes no prisoners. 'I love you, I have to save you’ he said. Hydra takes no prisoners, he was saving me. 'I love you, I have to save you’, he said’.” It unnerved the guards and turned the stomachs of Nat and Clint when they watched the hacked video feed to her cell.

It took Cap getting out of the hospital after his crash landing of a Helicarrier in the water and storming the prison cells with Nat, Clint, Sam and Tony in full gear before she was let out. Nat and Clint refused to reveal what they’d seen only that it was bad and she was innocent. She’d never done or shown anything other than unwavering loyalty towards her friends and team.

She wasn’t quite the same after that. For a long time, she was quiet and reserved, spent long hours in the gym working out in silence. On some nights you could hear music playing from her room trying to mask the sound of her crying. Tony brought in therapists and non-SHIELD doctors to help but she turned them all away. You could see the flinch or the subtle jerk of her body when someone touched her. It was almost a year before she was fully herself again, laughing and smiling, joking around.

According to Nat and her keen observational skills, I was the first and only person Y/n willing touched or allowed to touch her in all of that time. When she had a rough night unable to sleep and she’d wander down into the labs. Sit beside me asking what I was doing, making random conversation and helping out where she could, mostly doing the bulk of my computer work for me. When sleep started to prickle at her, she’d lean over hugging me from behind. Her arms loosely around my neck resting her temple to mine and thank me for letting her bother me.

I sat beside her hospital bed with my disheveled appearance, shabby clothes, a shaggy beard growing in. I wouldn’t leave her room. I’d step into the bathroom and wash, not bothering to look in the mirror and hurry back to her side. She couldn’t wake up in an unfamiliar place, and I couldn’t have her being fearful over it added to the long list of shitty things I’d done to her on my conscience. I must have listened to that damned song she was muttering in that base a thousand times by now.

What did it mean? Was she still in love with Rumlow? Their break-up, was it that horrible that she couldn’t stop thinking about it? All I get out of that song is heartbreak and holding on to something that doesn’t want to change. Or was it loving someone so much that you change? I-I just don’t know, it couldn’t have anything to with Dublin? Could it? Every time I listened to it I felt like I was stabbing myself in the chest. That one line made the pain worse than anything, 'tell me what you hate about me, whatever it is, I’m sorry’.

I should have told her all those years ago. I should have confessed it right then and there as she worked with Tony and me on Loki’s Sceptor, but I didn’t. I kept it to myself, too afraid I’d hurt her. It wouldn’t have been the first time I’d hurt someone I love with my 'condition’. It’s the same stupid fear that I’m still carrying around to this day. The same messed up reason why I wouldn’t let myself openly love her. I loved her no question about it, but I loved her too much to risk hurting her.

Alarms ringing jostling me awake. Her hand still clutched in mine as I lifted my head off of her bed. She was panicking, eyes scanning the room in fear, choking gurgling noises coming from her throat. Her other hand was trying to grasp at the breathing tube to pull it out. I jerked out of my chair leaning over her trying to reassure her it was okay.

“Relax, Y/n you’re safe.” I cradled her cheek softly. “Look at me. I need you to calm down so I can take the tube out. Blink once for yes, twice for no.”

Tears streaming down her face as she blinked once. There’s still nothing to prepare someone for the pain and discomfort while pulling out a breathing tube. She gagged and coughed until it was out and began gasping for breath. She tried desperately to sit up, but her injuries from the gunshot were too much. The bullet missed her heart by inches, fragments that had broken off inside shattering her collarbone and knicking others. I could only watch as she clenched her jaw biting back a scream from the pain.

*******

**Three Months Later:**

“Boss, we got a code red,” a video feed popped up in Tony’s helmet and in the Quinn showing Brock Rumlow in full Crossbones battle fatigues stalking through the Compound, coming to a dead stop in the kitchen doorway watching Y/n.

“Shit! How the fuck did he get passed the defenses?” Tony was livid, but panic was seeping throughout him. Fear that he’d have to watch someone he cared for and considered family killed and he couldn’t do a thing about it, but worse was how uncontrolled Bruce would become in the aftermath.

“I’m not sure, but my systems… don’t … fluffy… bunny… marshmallow… pudding pie.” FRIDAY’s voice faded out.

The video feed was the only thing still working changed angles showing Y/n and a lack of surprise on her face, she only sighed and closed her eyes. Rumlow held out his hands in a show of surrender, sidestepping to the kitchen table. He pulled out every weapon and piece of gear on him laying them all on the table along with a tiny vial containing a liquid in a violent shade of pink. Bruce was panicking, his eyes twitching, chest heaving. His skin tone changing in waves of green and his normal pale shade. His body surging and jerking fighting back the change. Hulk didn’t like what he was seeing through Bruce’s eyes, not one bit.

“Turn this heap of metal around or so help me I’ll tear off the bay door and go myself.” He refused to look at anyone, kept his eyes glued to the monitor watching Y/n in desperation.

************

FRIDAY under Tony’s orders was trying her A.I. best to keep my spirits up. There had been a toxin coated on the bullet I’d taken. It was still doing on a number on me after three months, the muscles in my arms would involuntarily give out. My chest would feel as if it was paralyzed which made it difficult to breathe if I exerted myself too much. I’d get so lightheaded to the point I’d literally fall to the ground in the blink of an eye. Tony and Bruce had spent the last two and a half months analyzing the remanents of the bullet the best they could but whatever it was absorbed into my bloodstream and didn’t show up on any test. All that technology was meaningless, there wasn’t enough to go on and Bruce was losing his mind trying to fix me.

I stood in front of the kitchen island trying and failing miserably to make myself a sandwich. My fingers decided they wanted to go on strike, I couldn’t grasp the butter knife, or even open the stupid jar of mayo. The others reluctantly were called away, Bruce had to be physically pulled out of the lab. Tony in his loving paranoid fashion put the Compound on lockdown, strict instruction for FRIDAY to alert him of anything. I was supposed to stay in my room, but hunger struck. The music was pumping, FRIDAY delved into my own playlists hoping it’d cheer me up being alone.

All was fine until that one song, that one damned Cinderella song forced my thoughts into the past. My body slumped into the island stool while memories flooded every inch of my mind. His cocky little grin, the tough-guy bravado out in public, but the giant teddy bear behind closed doors. How his scent lingered in my bed for days after he’d spend the night. Or a sweatshirt that could only have belonged to him wound up in my gear locker. I wore it everywhere until it lost its scent and as quick as it appeared it would disappear for days only to wind up in my locker again, the scent stronger than before. It’s funny how one song can trigger such memories long after you’ve given up and moved on from someone. Tiny pieces of yourself cling to who you were at that point in your life when that song meant so much.

_I can’t even remember how the relationship with Brock Rumlow started in the first place. I was ordered to tag along with the STRIKE team, something about their tech expert out on medical. The whole flight Brock sat across from me in the jet smirking. Jack Rollins his right-hand man sat at his side eerily staring me down. He definitely gave off a creeper vibe, but not much I could about it now at 30 thousand feet. He was the only soldier that ever made me question his loyalties. He was too calm, too quiet for his own good._

_“You’re better looking then I remembered.” Brock flashed a side smile giving off a highly confident and cocky air to him._

_“Smooth,” I rolled my eyes and stretched my legs out in front of me, four more hours to go till the jump point. Parachuting out of a plane wasn’t my favorite way to start a mission. “Rumlow, you just made this ten times more awkward than it needed to be.” There was a moment’s hesitation in his eyes before the cockiness took over again. There was so much testosterone in this cargo bay I had to laugh. “I guess I knocked you around a little harder then I thought in the ring last week.”_

_“Nothing wrong with a little rough stuff, and damn it Y/n, call me Brock. It’s not like we haven’t worked around each other long enough.” He cocked his head to the side and winked._

_Rollins and the rest of the team stayed silent through the whole exchange, but their eyes showed annoyance. Rollins didn’t want me on this mission at all. I was an outsider to the STRIKE team, it didn’t matter that I was an Avenger. I wasn’t one of them, but what could he say without angering Rumlow? I was biting my lip to keep from smiling, I’ll admit, he was charming in a rough sort of way._

_“You can pin me again anytime you want baby girl.” Brock leaned back in his seat with a smug smirk, a suave attitude in the way he sat. His own legs stretched out next to mine, a pair of massive boots stacked on top of each other nudging my calf. As if he was trying to draw attention to his large feet, a way to say 'hey the shoe size myth is real, wanna look?’_

_“Kinda sounds like you expect the woman to do all the work?” I snapped back rolling my eyes at his bravado knocking his boots away in a childish act of defiance._

_“Nah, but the view is nice from down there.” He wiggled his brows trying to keep face with his men._

_We both knew he was thinking about that day in the ring sparring, he couldn’t keep his eyes off me and that was his downfall. He was too cocky, too full of ego. Eyes that kept lingering obviously on my curves, parts of exposed skin in my workout gear. The way he’d lick his lips and groan each time I pinned him to the mat. That forbidden urge to take it to the next level floating in his eyes._

_My palms pinning his shoulders to the mat, my face leaning over his inches from his face. I had to smile like a little shit because Brock was supposed to be one of the best but there he was on his back between my thighs. There was a moment he lifted his head, our noses touching, lips barely ghosting. His hands gripping tightly on my thighs moving methodically towards my waist when he dropped his head back on the mat hearing the gym doors slamming opened and the loud voices of Clint, Sam and Steve filing in the room._

_“Oh bless your little heart,” I threw my head back laughing before staring him down while a devilish smirk grew on my lips. “You wouldn’t know what to do with me even if I LET you pin me, big boy!” His smirked widened, the crinkles around his eyes scrunched tighter the more he laughed. His tongue slid over his bottom lip before he sucked it in his mouth._

_“Keep talking like that baby girl and you’ll find out soon enough.” That gruff voice, the cocky swagger, he was just oozing sex appeal and I wanted it bad._

_It was just a chance meeting on the way out of the Tower. Fresh back from the tag-along mission with the STRIKE team. The Tower and everyone inside too loud and annoying to handle so I left not feeling in a party mood. He was coming to speak with Cap, while I was headed out for some air. A little small talk outside the front doors amongst the hustle and bustle of city nightlife and a lot of charm on his part._

_Too many years seeing him in battle gear or workout clothes, I had to do a double-take when I heard my name called out. Loose faded and well-worn boot cut blue jeans hung just a little loose on his hips but still managed to show off that tight ass of his. A snug faded black t-shirt showing off his biceps. His hair was messy like he’d just rolled out of bed. There was something so inviting about the way he smiled, the almost nervous way his hand ruffled through his hair while we spoke. He was the opposite of everything I’d seen for years. An offer of a drink and a burger to die for and off we went._

_The night was winding down, we found ourselves in a dingy seedy little bar hidden in a back alley out in Staten Island. The music was loud, thumping through a jukebox so ancient it could have been an original. Everything about the joint screamed out 'run’. From the murky patrons seated around the bar, many looked as if they belonged on wanted posters, maybe they were. The questionable lighting that left too many darkened corners for nefarious acts. Broken glass on the floor, fist-sized holes in the walls, flecks of what looked like blood littered the wall back by the pool tables._

_Heavy clouds of cigarette smoke billowed in the air at every turn. The alcohol was watered down and overpriced, with no microbrews or light beers insight. Pabst Blue Ribbon, Coors and Schlitz neon beer signs stung up behind the bar. Barstools and tabletop surfaces covered in a sticky film I shuddered to think about. No respecting woman in her right mind would have ventured into this place by herself, but then again they didn’t have Brock attached to their hip either._

_He held me close in the back of the bar, away from prying eyes. It was a place to get away from it all, away from watchful teammates and curious questions insinuating something that had yet to happen. No lectures on duty and responsibilities, no talks of fraternization or the same old run down of 'what happens if this ends badly’. It was a hidden spot where he wasn’t Agent Rumlow and I wasn’t Agent Y/L/N, but two complete nobodies in a city that never slept. His hand on my waist, the other spread over the back pocket of my jeans gripping tight and possessively on the verge of cupping my ass in his massive palm. Cinderella’s iconic ballad 'Don’t Know What You Got Till it’s Gone’ rattling from the jukebox._

_“What the hell did I do to get so fucking lucky?” A playful grin partially hid beneath his beard._

_“I have no fucking clue, I’m still trying to figure that out myself,” I sassed back smirking up in his eyes. I could see his tongue roll around inside his mouth, he nodded his head like he was thinking of a snappy come back only to roughly squeeze my ass making me laugh._

_His golden honey brown eyes darting between mine. They settled on my mouth, lingering. His fingers trailed up my side from their hold around my waist, holding my chin between his thumb and forefinger. A soft tickle of his beard brushing against my skin. A kiss from Brock was without a doubt intense, the kind of kiss that left you breathless and dizzy but begging for more. Wasn’t bad as far as first kisses go either. The taste of his whiskey mixed with my beer as our tongues collided. Just enough to show his need, everything else left to the imagination of his hand placement._

_In public, he was stoic and hard-assed. He didn’t hesitate to get in the face of anyone that looked my way in a manner he didn’t like. He was gruff and arrogant, but at the same time protective and sweet. The faint twitch on the edge of his mouth when I mouthed off to whoever deserved it. The slight touch of his hand on my back guiding me through a room he and his team cleared so I could work my magic on a computer. People say the eyes never lie, maybe that’s true. His were softer, twinged with deep neediness whenever they looked my way._

_We kept it quiet for months, always meeting in secret late into the night. However, things never stay secret for long, not when Tony Stark is near. Tony was there early one morning standing out in the hallway with a smug little grin and an arched brow as Brock opened my bedroom door trying to sneak out before being seen. He was in the midst of sliding his shirt over his head. The muscles in his back tensed and flexed seeing Tony in front of him. He moved to hide me from Tony but it was a pointless act._

_“Right, so I’m ecstatic that you’re getting some kitten, but for the love of god keep it down! I heard your hedonistic moaning all the way down in my lab.” His blatant snarkiness in his words grated on Brock. He clenched his jaw in controlled anger, the muscles in his face flexing, the veins popping in his neck. “I’ll add soundproofing your room to the list of things to do, but damn girl you scream like…” Brock took a step towards Tony poking his index finger in his chest._

_“Don’t EVER talk to her like she’s one of your flavor of the night flings Stark!” Brock glowered down at Tony, shoving his finger in his chest again hard enough to make Tony take a step back to brace himself. “If I ever hear your playboy bullshit fuckboi garbage going anywhere in her direction again, you and I are gonna step outside and ain’t no suit gonna save you.”_

_If only I knew then what I know now. Maybe that Cinderella song in the bar that first night should have been a clue. If I was a more superstitious person I would have seen it as a warning, but oxytocin and the way he looked at me. The way he made me feel. I should have known it was too good to be true._

Movement in the main doorway to the kitchen snapped me out of my memories. He was so different than the last time I’d seen him. Jagged scars and burn marks visible on every part of him that was exposed as he took off the helmet of his new terrorist persona Crossbones. I wanted to hate him, I wanted so desperately to despise him for all he’d done, but I slammed that door on him shut, locked it up tight and threw away the key so long ago my mind refused to acknowledge he even existed anymore.

Brock held up his hands in a sign of surrender edging towards the kitchen table across the room. His hydraulic gauntlets tossed harshly atop the kitchen table. A mass of guns, knives, extra ammo clips, everything emptied out in a pile around his gauntlets. The bulletproof vest he always wore spray-painted with a white X, torn off and tossed aside. He lifted his t-shirt up to his chest and turned in circles showing he had nothing hidden in his waistbands. Patted down his pockets to show them devoid of anything.

Nothing was there but emptiness as I saw him fully for the first time in nearly two years. I was told he was the one that shot me, but I don’t remember that. I only remember screaming in fear for Bruce and pain, lots of pain. I sighed and closed my eyes unsure of what to expect from myself or him.

“You know they’ve been made aware of your presence right?” I could feel him moving towards me before I even opened my eyes. That familiar musky scent filling my nose with each inhale.

“I made it obvious for them baby girl.” He stood in front of me on the other side of the kitchen island pulling everything I had laid out to make my sandwich towards him. He started to put it together just the way I liked it and slid the plate in front of me. “I-I never meant to hurt you. I had a contract to take out Banner. I didn’t know you’d be there, let alone step in front of my gun.”

“Never meant to hurt me!? Like when you kidnapped me in the middle of the night and chained me up? Left me to die.” I wanted to be angry, I wanted to feel those surging waves of hatred flowing through me, but there was nothing. Looking at everything he’d become, all that he suffered, endured at the hands of Hydra, I couldn’t even pity him.

“I saved your life!” His head shot up, voice raised for a moment only to shake his head and swallow hard. His eyes focusing on the spot on my chest he knew was hidden by the thin fabric of my shirt. The exact spot the bullet he fired carved itself into my flesh and shattered into pieces. “Pierce had ordered you tortured for intel and killed… I couldn’t… I love you!” There was no manly bravado, only the pathetic tone of a broken man who knew he did wrong. “I had to keep you safe. I was going to come back and we would have gone into hiding… I didn’t plan on …”

“What? Losing? Getting your ass kicked by Wilson? Getting blown up in a building?” I amazed myself at the ease of staying calm, letting the venom in the words themselves do my dirty work. “You left me chained up in a safe house. I ran out of food and water. I broke my ankle and all the bones in my foot trying to get out of that shackle!”

Brock didn’t speak, his head kept slowly shaking back and forth processing everything. His hands grasping a hard hold on the countertop of the island. I’d never seen him blink that much in all the time I’d known him. He was lost in thought, memories drifting past his eyes. The way he closed them and let his head fall back, exposing his neck for the kill. He stood this way in silence until he couldn’t stand it anymore.

“I’m sorry!” That deep gruff voice of his non-existent, replaced by something soft and alien, unlike anything I thought him capable of. “Honest to god, cross my heart, on my mother’s grave, I’m so sorry baby girl.” Brock finally braved looking at me, seeing the damage he’d done. People always forgot there’s more than just physical damage. Mental and emotional damage could be far worse. His eyes were misty and red, showing something I’d never seen in them before, remorse.

“Was it a lie?” After knowing what I knew now, it was a question that still haunted me.

“What?” How could someone so tough and rugged, a man who looked danger in the face and smile appear so utterly lost and confused now? He was a shell, a husk of what he could have been, but greed and hunger for power is a terrible drug.

“Us? Was all of that a lie? A cover to get close to me for intel. Did you use me for Hydra’s gain?” I did my best to reign it in but one tear, one damn singular tear betrayed me. The door I locked him up tight behind was cracking. 

He watched the tear, mesmerized at its perfect form dangling at the corner of my eye. The careless way it escaped the hold of my eyelid. So much said in one tiny little tear as it drifted and fell sacrificing itself. It fled the warm comfort of my skin splashing on the cold hard granite. I wasn’t scared, not of him, not of this subhuman fleshy bag of bones in front of me. I was frightened knowing what I was capable of and what Bruce would think of me afterward.

“NO! No, all of that, everything was honest. It was real, I swear, it was real. I loved you, I still love you.” His face was pained, horrified hearing my questions. Hearing the meaning behind each vowel, each syllable. Jagged scars littered his once ruggedly handsome face, scrunched up in agony finally hearing the hatred he dreaded.

“Why are you here Rumlow?” He flinched at the formal sound of his last name as it left my lips.

“I needed to see the damage I’d done. Gotta face the music sometimes and I’m tired of running.” He didn’t move, only stared wondering when the Pied Pipper would come to collect his bounty.

“So what, you got a guilty conscience?” I could feel the rumble through the floor.

The vibrations of the jet’s thrusters as it landed in the grassy field outside, but it was the guttural growl echoing in the wind outside that sent a shiver up my spine. I knew he felt it too, the subtle flicker of a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. The Pied Piper at last, big, mean and green come to get his revenge. The shattering of a door as it was pulled off its hinges. The chaos of many pairs of boots trying to catch up with the impending storm of raging anger thundering his way up the stairs.

“For you, yeah! I never meant to hurt you, you don’t have to believe me, but my intentions with that safehouse were purely out of love. I knew if you escaped while everything was going down, you’d fight and they’d kill you.”

He stepped away from the island hearing the roar in the hallway knowing what was coming and he wasn’t about to let the destruction come my way. Bruce was mid change as he barreled through the threshold of the kitchen. Fury and rage in full display on every inch of his face. His eyes burning, blazing in emerald green wrath. A massive green fist enclosed itself around Brock’s neck, shoving him violently into the nearest wall. The others only moments behind him, panting as they slowly crept in the kitchen eyeing the situation.

“You good kitten?” Tony’s faceplate opened, concern the only readable emotion in his eyes.

“Peachy keen Tones. There’s a vial on the table, I can only assume it’s the cure for whatever’s inside me.” Tony eased his way towards the table taking the vial with care, analyzing the contents with the internal systems in his suit.

Eyes, so many eyes focusing on me. I was seeing everything from worry to panic to confusion. Those eyes, all of them darted from the arsenal piled on the kitchen table to me and settled uneasily on a half changed Bruce. He was cold and vengeful, the way his head tilted side to side watching Brock. Whatever he was expecting from Brock it wasn’t what he was giving Bruce. Brock didn’t fight back, didn’t move, he hardly breathed. Every time Brock’s eyes glimpsed my way Bruce’s grip tightened, slowly squeezing and crushing his throat. Blood vessels popping in Brock’s eyes, his skin color dulling with each clamp of Bruce’s fingers around his neck.

“Bruce stop!” I ambled carefully across the room, hands out showing I wasn’t a threat in case he couldn’t control the rest of the change. “Once you cross that line, there’s no going back. Believe me, Bruce. I know Hulk thinks differently at the moment and I can see that, but right now as Bruce, don’t. The second you take life so willingly in anger like this everything changes, you change. You’re better than this, better than him. Let him go.”

“He deserves to die for what he did to you! Tony hacked Fury’s personal files on the flight here. I saw it all, Y/n. The x-rays, the endless interrogations, the cell, all of it.” Bruce’s hand was darkening in color every second it was wrapped around Brock’s throat.

“Just do it!” Brock growled. The others watched in silence afraid to move setting off Bruce in a full-blown Hulk fury. “Just fucking snap my neck already, I deserve it!” So much torment and self-hatred in Brock’s eyes glaring at Bruce. He glanced my way taking one last look. There wasn’t anything other than remorse and sorrow. He closed his eyes waiting for the end.

“Bruce,” I stepped beside him resting a hand on his chest. “This isn’t you, don’t become that guy. For me please, don’t turn yourself into that. Don’t become like me.” His eyes softened, blinking back the anger. The emerald green fading into his chocolate brown.

“Y/n, he has to pay for what he did.” The skin on his hands slowly changing back to his usual pale tone but his hold on Brock was still uncommonly strong. I reached behind me into the waistband of my jeans feeling the cold metal around my fingers. It didn’t matter it wasn’t my dominant hand, the result would still be the same. Strength don’t fail me now.

“I know and he will, I promise, just not by you.” Brock swallowed hard and sighed. He knew that tone in my voice, he’d heard it so often over the years training with SHIELD. Death was no less then what he deserved and he knew it. If it was going to be by anyone’s hand, it was mine.

“You almost died Y/n! I almost lost you before I could fix what I said! I never meant that it was a mistake, just the being drunk part.” Bruce howled in agony and it broke my heart. Our eyes locked on each other. I kept Bruce’s focus on me leaning my forehead on his and pressing a gentle kiss on his nose. I raised the gun pressing it against Brock’s forehead feeling him force himself closer into it.

“Sometimes memories are the worst form of torture, it’s easier to forget they ever happened at all. That’s how I’ve learned to deal all these years Bruce,” I lamented so casually. My finger pulled the trigger and fired. Brock’s body slumped against the wall and crumbled to the ground. “I was born a killer, that can’t be helped, but I’ll be damned if I let you turn yourself into one.”

I didn’t want to face any of them, couldn’t look in their eyes so I turned trying to leave the kitchen. My past had come back to haunt me, torment me. Even if Brock felt he had good intentions, it was my burden, not theirs. He was a weakness in my life. He made me weak by making me see how badly I wanted to love. How much I craved affection from someone who could overlook my past, see past my mistakes. I wanted to feel normal, wanted a life I never thought I could have and for that Brock showed me my weakness, but never as strongly as the way Bruce did with a simple smile.

I made it passed them, all of their strained eyes followed me and into the hallway before a woozy feeling swept over me. Murmurs and scrambled voices faded around me. My legs wobbled and my knees buckled out from under me. An excruciatingly loud roar bellowed behind me. Falling, weightless falling as the marble floor closed in on my face. Green hands appearing out of thin air catching me at the last second, but down I went into a pit of blackness and despair.

“Y/n,” Hulk cried out as my entire world went dark.

*******

Tingly little shocks electrified through my body. An odd sensation flowing through me reminiscent of when you sit on your foot too long and it goes numb. The beeping of machinery flooded my ears before I attempted to open my eyes. My fingers spread out on either side of the bed feeling the silkiness of sheets I knew were mine. The heavy comfort of mounds of weighted blankets piled on top of me. That would explain the numbness, I must have been under them for a long time.

There was a bitter smell of strong coffee freshly brewed. Hints of lavender, amber and some musky woodsy scent. Faint sounds of AC/DC playing through the surround sound in my room. He cleared his throat with a soft cough, I could hear the smile in the sound. He knew I was awake, but chose to ignore it and kept going over something on his tablet.

“Morning buttercup.” I peered open an eye enough to see his smug grin though he wasn’t looking my direction. “How are you feeling?”

“Different.” I wanted to reply 'numb, alone, missing part of myself and I want Bruce to be here instead of you’, but none of it would form into words. I pulled the blankets down and stretched glancing around my room. “How long have I been out?” I sat up gently against my headboard trying to read the range of thoughts passing over Tony’s face.

“Roughly four days. Scans all check out. Everything about you seems to have been given a little boost with that serum he brought. The bad news is, I guess I’ll have to put up with you for many years to come.” I wasn’t in the mood to laugh, all I could think about was why wasn’t he here?

“Bruce?” I stared at the stack of books sitting on my desk that I’d bought in Dublin. He was distraught and ready to kill Brock because he was scared to lose me and yet where was he?

Flashes of that night in Dublin streaming through my brain. Falling asleep wrapped in his arms, the smell of his aftershave. The kisses he left on the top of my head each time I shifted in my sleep. Feeling him tug me into himself at the hint of a body shiver. Conscience acts of love, so where the hell was he? I wanted to scream and cry out, but that kind of outburst wasn’t something I’d done nor could I let myself do now.

“Uh, he’s uh… he needs a little time.” Tony always knew what to say, had smart ass answers at the ready, but the way he paused and studdered spoke volumes.

“Right, not every day you get a front-row seat to the murder of a terrorist.” I felt hollow like everything was scooped out of me and I was tossed aside to wither away in the sun. It was better me than Bruce though. He had no control over what he did as the Hulk, but as Bruce, there was no way he could have lived with himself as the cause of Brock’s death.

“Y/n it’s not… he doesn’t process things the way you and Nat and Clint can about death like that. He’s… complicated and … oh hell.” He set his tablet aside and grabbed the travel mug on the table next to him. His eyes wandered around the room, trying to choose his words. The soft thump of his body as it flopped down on the bed beside me, coffee cup held out toward me.

“He can’t deal with the ramifications of dealing death as Hulk but he was so willing to do it as Bruce?” The coffee was still hot, the slight burning sensation as it slid down my throat. Tony scooted closer to me leaning his head on top of mine in a move of comfort.

“He very well could have. I’ve never seen him like that before, but we both know what would have happened afterward don’t we?” Tony rarely spoke softly let alone as somber as he was now. He was afraid of the same thing I was.

“You think he’s gonna run again?” The thought of him leaving, just up and taking off in the middle of the night like he’d done before pulled my heart through a shredder. The Universe must hate me to test me like this, see how far it could push me before I broke completely.

“I’m not sure of anything anymore except that he loves you, despite everything that idiot has always loved you. Why he won’t let himself be happy… I don’t get it.” His voice trailed off regretting his words.

“What do you mean he won’t let himself love me?” I pulled away from Tony glaring at his flustered face. He banged his head against the headboard a few times muttering 'shit’. There was silence as he got up and paced around my bedroom, hands wringing through his hair in internal debate.

“Before his Gamma accident, he was in love. Engaged in fact, college sweethearts or something like that. He thought he could keep it together after the accident, live a normal life, but … there was a stupid argument and he lost his temper and Hulk came out. Bruce only saw the aftermath. Saw how close he’d come to hurting someone he loved. He swore he’d never let it happen again.” Tony stood still staring at the pile of books on the desk with a faint smile. “He loves you so much it kills him. He thinks it’s better this way, loving you from afar to keep you from getting hurt.”

“That’s bullshit!” The enraged yell echoing through the door and into the hall. The tumbler of coffee chucked against the nearest wall, dripping slowly downward seeping into the carpet.

“I know kitten, I know, but what more can you expect from Bruce?” Tony was at a loss for words.

“He’s hurting me worse this way… Tony, he’s the only reason I didn’t… that stupid voice of his and I couldn’t do it. I wanted to DIE after Rumlow. I wanted to end it all after Fury caged me in a cell. I wanted to die, all I had to do was pull the trigger. I had the gun in my mouth but he knocked on my door…” I trailed off sobbing into my hands seeing the misery in Tony’s face.

********

**Bruce POV:**

She was right, I was hurting her, but I couldn’t stop. I stood outside her door holding onto the door handle trying to find the courage to open it. For twenty minutes I must have stood there trying to will myself to turn the handle. Just turn the stupid handle and push the door open. Tony told her everything. I wanted to be angry, to be pissed off that he’d betray my confidence like that but what was the point now? I’d already told her I loved her in Dublin, she knew, just not why I’d been avoiding her.

I flinched and pulled my hand away hearing the crash against the wall. The wave of frustration and tears building up. I’d known her so long, I could hear that sort of thing in the sound of her voice. She screamed that I was already hurting her and it was the truth. No matter what I did, I’d wind up hurting her. I left and did what I do best and hid away. I left hearing all the hurt I’d caused her, didn’t matter she said I’d saved her from biting that bullet. Why couldn’t I just let myself love her?

*******

Weeks went by without seeing him. Not even a hint of his aftershave in the hallways of the Compound, or a glimpse of his curly hair or the sound of that deep sweet voice. It was obvious to everyone that it was on purpose. His lab was locked down, FRIDAY refusing me entrance, but I could see movement behind the frosted glass windows. The smell of his chai tea lingering around the cracks of the door.

“Bruce,” I gentle rapped my knuckles on the door. “Please, can we talk?” Nothing but silence. “You’re being childish Banner. Ignoring me won’t solve anything. You can’t shut yourself away from this! You can’t stop me from loving you! You hear me?”

Tony felt we all needed a breather, a night to let loose so as per his usual he threw a party. None of it interested me anymore, nothing felt the same. Not the drinks, or the people, not the music or the food. The laughter and wild stories, none of it mattered anymore. I walked through the crowd in a daze ignoring their mindless conversations and fake laughter and settled at the bar. A perfect spot to see the whole room not that it mattered.

Bruce wasn’t there to keep me company, to hide away in a corner talking all night because he hated the crowd as much as I did. I sat staring into my drink, something Nat ensured would ease my mind. It smelled strong and sweet like chocolate. She hated seeing me like this. A shrunken version of myself turned inside out and upside down. I’d crawled inside myself trying to avoid the world, left myself on auto-pilot and for that, I was still benched from missions.

She knew enough to see the signs, it wasn’t from taking out Rumlow either. I’d given so much of myself to Bruce over the years without even realizing it. Tiny fragments of my inner self, shards, and pieces of information about me that only he knew. I let him in, let him become a weakness, my downfall. All that training to make me a hardened killer, an assassin trained to see only black and white long gone, replaced by smiles and laughter and a newfound penchant for purple and green. I loved and it was slowly killing me not being able to show him how much.

I let myself change, soften, allowed myself to love and be loved by those around me. Allowed me to care and feel, form bonds and friendships, create a strange little family all my own. People I wouldn’t hesitate to sacrifice myself to save. Nat finally saw it all and wondered in her head if that’s how she looked when it happened to her as well with Clint.

“They’re not always stupid.” Her sultry raspy voice spoke low enough for my ears only.

“You sure about that?” I huffed in response while my finger swirled around the rim of my untouched drink.

“My personal experience says so, don’t get me wrong they’re always going to be stupid to a degree though.” I followed her eyes across the room to see Clint talking to Bruce.

He looked tired, puffy bags under his eyes from lack of sleep. His curls still damp like he’d tried to wake himself up by jumping in the shower before heading down to this party. His freshly shaven face staring mindlessly out the window, not paying attention to a word Clint was uttering. I could see his eyes tracking droplets of rain as they slid down the outside of the windowpane.

Despite hating these sorts of things he always managed to put a little effort into his appearance, still believing in the way people perceived you with a first impression. A navy button-up shirt with the top button uncharacteristically left undone topped with a faded thin black suit jacket, a pair of black slacks. Even when he didn’t try he still came out looking like the adorable professor he denied he was.

He looked like I felt though, miserable and alone. Fidgeting from foot to foot, he nodded his head towards Clint and shoved his hands in his pockets. It was such a simple thing, a trivial, meaningless thing, but when he did it he seemed more carefree. Clint’s head was bobbing, a sign he was speaking fast, his shoulders rolling the way they did when he was ranting away. Bruce’s head snapped towards Clint, glaring at whatever he’d said. His mouth poised open to say something but he froze. His eyes met mine across the room, I could see his jaw clenching. The hard swallow of air as he started to walk away from Clint.

Leaving the comfort of Nat and the barstool, I pushed my way through the crowd. Scanning for his scruffy head of hair in the mass of bodies. I spotted him near the doorway trying to sneak away. I’d had enough of this bullshit, enough of the fear. Didn’t he deserve a reprieve from it all? Didn’t Bruce deserve love to end all love? Someone in his corner reminding him he was a better man than he allowed himself to think he was. Why wouldn’t he let himself love me? I couldn’t possibly get any more broken than I’d already been, wasn’t it worth a try?

“Stop avoiding me!” I yelled his way, the sudden shrill sound caused the party to come to a dead stop. He froze knowing there was no way out now. It was as silent as a church, curious eyes followed me as I moved towards Bruce. The throng of bodies moving out of my way.

“I-I’m not…” He sounded so meek, and shy, but he wouldn’t look at me. He stared at the floor, his hands still in his pockets.

“You’re lying,” I stated flatly, calmy still walking towards him. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach, the ache in my chest. “You’ve been keeping your distance on purpose. Is it because I denied you revenge?” Bruce fidgeted uncomfortable feeing the attention so focused on him. “Are you avoiding me because we slept together? Mindblowing, we broke the bed sex. Or maybe you can’t look at me because I told you I love you. Is that it?”

“Can we not do this here, in front of a crowd?” For the first time in weeks, I glimpsed those chocolate brown eyes I’ve missed so much. I hated to do this to him, make this so public, but he wouldn’t talk to me any other way.

“Why, so you can sneak off when my back is turned?” Those stupid tears, useless stupid tears prickling in my eyes, fighting for freedom. The crack in my voice signaling the incoming sob. “Stop running away. If you take off again… I swear I will lose my fucking mind, Bruce. I can’t… I’m not strong enough to lose you again.”

He stood staring at the mess I’d become, letting myself break down and be so vulnerable in front of all these people. All those years he watched me be strong and courageous, never showing the hint of emotion and there I was, tear-stained and shaking. He looked on with pained expression as the tears fell, the drop in my shoulders. Maybe it was too late, maybe I was too broken. What if he decided he couldn’t love me after what he’d watched me do to Brock. He always thought of himself as the monster, but it was me. Too many emotions rattling around inside that had been forced down for years. Treated as if they didn’t exist, and yet staring at him they roared to life. Love, pain, want, lust, desire, hope, shame, self-hatred, they were all there.

Bruce didn’t speak, didn’t utter a sound, he only walked swiftly closing the gap between us. His eyes darting between mine sadly, a thumb wiped away the tears. He dropped his hand allowing his fingers to lace in mine and quietly pulled me out of the room. Down the hallway towards the elevators. A silent ride down to the labs and down the long silent corridor. The lights dimly lit in the ceiling, our quickened footsteps echoing off the walls in an eerie drum beat.

He let go as soon as the door to his private lab was shut. Silently he walked towards his workstation and sat down. A dozen thoughts flooded his facial features, but he couldn’t speak. He picked up a pen and started to write, checking his computer and carried on as if I wasn’t there. Did he pull me all the way down here to ignore me and work?

“For fucks sakes! You are so academic it’s not even funny.” I threw my hands up in the air pacing around his workstation. "The only time I’ve ever seen you relax was that night in Dublin!“

"You said you didn’t remember anything!?” The scrunched forehead and the look of betrayal. “Everyone knows,” he threw his hands up in the air irritated at something so intimate now being public knowledge.

“I lied! I was trying to give you an out.” Pinching the bridge of my nose in frustration. Was it really any better the last few months with him thinking I didn’t remember? Everything had snowballed and become complicated, he actively avoided me to the point the rest of the team noticed. “You said it was a mistake. That was the first thing out of your mouth. Not 'about time’ or 'damn that was hot’, you specifically said mistake. It clearly meant more to me than you. So whatever, sorry you enjoyed yourself and finally acted like a normal human being for once.”

“That wasn’t what I meant by mistake,” he was avoiding my gaze, his finger scratching at the tabletop. “I could have… what would have happened if the Other Guy made an appearance huh?”

“But he didn’t!” I growled, how could one man be so aggravating?

“But he COULD HAVE!” Bruce sat up in his chair annoyed and restless, his leg bouncing up and down rapidly.

“He didn’t and you’re too stupid to see why!” I slammed my hands down in his table, he only twitched his eyes in response.

“So what, you’re trying to tell me that he left me in control of my emotions because what… because he wanted that to happen?” I couldn’t believe the way he was glaring at me. He was incomplete and utter denial, he couldn’t see what was right in front of him.

“Yes, is that so hard to believe?!” I was fighting so hard to keep from screaming. How could someone so intelligent be that thick? “Go and rewatch any of the mission videos and you’ll see it. Hulk loves me just as much as you deny to yourself. He wants you to be normal and happy!”

“You’re seriously standing there trying to tell me that the Hulk wants us together?!” He stood up from his chair stalking around the table. I turned to face him, squaring my shoulders, I wasn’t going to back down. I was pinned between his workstation and an agitated Bruce. “Come off it Y/n, I can’t have that kind of happiness. Guys like me don’t get the girl, we don’t get that kind of passion.”

“You are so stupid Bruce!” I hissed through clenched teeth, darting my gaze between his eyes and his lips.

“Oh yeah?!” His voice dropped an octave, that body hidden underneath those clothes inching closer to mine, his breath fanned against my face. His palms rested on the table on each side of me officially trapping me in place.

“Yes, you are.” I bit my bottom lip feeling his hips push against me.

“I’m the stupid one for trying to keep you from getting hurt? Is that what you’re saying?” His nose brushed up against mine, hands slowly trailing up my arms.

“Yes,” whispered softly out of my mouth feeling his warm hand cradling my cheek. His eyes darting down toward my lips. In quiet contemplation, his eyes so focused on my lips. A hum reverberating in his chest watching the way I bit my bottom lip.

“The Other Guy, Hulk… loves you?” His thumb padded over my skin wiping away the trail left by tears.

“Yeah,” I leaned into his forehead and closed my eyes. “He doesn’t like you being so miserable, it makes him sad.”

“The Hulk… sad?” Surprise filled his voice causing him to frown. “I’m scared Y/n… what if I … if I hurt you, I couldn’t live with myself. ”

“You won’t.” I let my fingers wander through his hair, giving a gentle tickle at the base of his hairline that always made him smile. I watched his eyes roll closed, felt the heat from the heavy sigh as it left his mouth. “You’re tired Bruce, I can feel it. We don’t have to talk about this now.”

“Are we flirting now or still fighting?” His hand cradled my neck, thumb sweeping over my cheek. He let out a faint laugh breaking up the somber like moment.

“Little of both I suppose,” I chuckled seeing that smile of his I missed so terribly.

“Does the offer to sleep in your cloud-like bed still stand? I don’t want to be alone anymore.” The smile was pure, but the tint of pink in his cheeks said otherwise. His body wavered and swayed the way it always did when he’d been awake too long.

“Depends,” I grinned playfully softly brushing the tip of my nose to his, Eskimo kisses. I once heard him say how underrated they were as a kiss in the middle of an awkward conversation with Tony and Nat. The subtle act of me doing one pulled his cheeks up in a brilliant smile.

“On?” Smiling softly as he returned the Eskimo kiss. A flutter beat in his chest pounding against mine. I slid out of my heels grinning in those questioning eyes.

“On how fast you can run.” I cupped his face pulling him into me leaving a deeply heated kiss on those plump lips of his before turning and sprinting out of the lab.

I could hear him chuckling as the door closed behind me. Picking up the bottom of my dress, racing through the halls. My laughter echoing around me the closer I came to the elevator. The doors were open and closed before I heard the clattering noise and breaking glass in the distance. The slow swooshing feel of the elevator as it carried me upward. The jolting jerk as it stopped on my floor. I could see my door in the distance as I ran. Reaching out inches from grabbing ahold of the doorknob it swung open. Bruce leaning on the doorframe as I skidded to a stop, my mouth open in shock.

“How… how did… what?” I stammered smiling. He appeared so calm with that sly little side smirk.

“A magician never reveals his tricks.” It was a burst of snarky laughter, one that wasn’t usually him. The grin that sat heavily on his lips was something new. Somewhere between the lines of trust and adoration.

He pulled me into my room slamming the door shut with a little too much force it shook the wall. The sound of the tiny trinkets dotted along my walls and many bookcases shaking and clinking in tune to the shaky vibration in the walls. Even in the dim light of the desk lamp, I could see the look in his eyes. The spark, the shimmer of finally letting go of his fears the closer he stepped toward me. I watched as his wine-colored tongue swept over his lips. Felt his hands enclose softly around my neck and face, fingers in a delicate dance on my skin. His lips devouring each spot he placed them.

“Bruce,” I smirked between kisses. “I thought …”

“Only testing your theory.” Breathy and low, his voice sent a shiver through me. His body nudging me towards the bed.

“Shouldn’t we…,” struggling to speak. His plush lips smothering mine refusing to give up on kissing. “Talk… about …this?”

“You love me correct?” He pulled away smiling, caressing my face in his hands. Placing soft kisses over my cheeks, nose, and forehead.

“Of course I do.” The way his eyes followed me, the curl of his mouth as it smiled. The groan that stuck in his throat as I pulled off his jacket.

“Then it’s settled, me and you, no one else, ever.” He smirked unzipping the back of my dress, eyeing the silky material as it slid to the floor. That deep laughter of his clung to the tension in the air. “I-I want a do-over, to do this right this time.”

“Bruce relax,” smiling watching the nervousness rolling in like a fog. “Sleep and we’ll talk about it later. Besides, we already got the awkward part out of the way in Dublin didn’t we?” I wiggled my brows pulling him into the bed with me.

Mounds of blankets piled on top of us as we rolled around finding that sweet spot. The comfortable position that felt right. I laid on my side facing the window, smirking seeing the door to my balcony partially open and a large chunk the size of Hulk’s hand taken out of the cement wall. So much for a magician secret. Bruce curled up behind me, engulfing me in his arms. His legs tucked into mine, his head resting partially on mine, just enough to move his head to leave kisses on my neck and shoulder.

“You cheated,” I yawned out a laugh. Between his body warmth and the weight of the blankets, exhaustion was taking over. His own breath had become slowed and calm, sleep was nearing him as well.

“You never said the Other Guy couldn’t do the running,” he chuckled. "Besides, he really, really wanted me to win.“


End file.
